I hate it.
I miss the son who I loved so much. You are just a reminder of the experiment that forced me to kill him, to try to remake him. He just wanted to throw better. Well now he can. in a new body that is not capable of doing anything for himself. Now, he doesn't even throw unless it is to help a person.
I hate you.
I hate all of the other scientists for presuring me to give him what he wanted, what he thought he needed, even though I knew the consequence. I knew. And yet, I still did. I thought it was out of love. Now I know it was not. It was out of my own selfishness that I experimented on the last family I had. I knew that we didn't have the right equipment, but maybe if I just tweek this one step just a bit-?
no. It was a waste of time, and a waste of a life. My son's life. My son's life. My son's life.
For the rest of my days, I will probably repeat those three words until I die and join him in Heaven.
Heaven!
Oh what a wonderful place it will be. I will finally see my husband and my two daughters and my parents and grandparents! I will see-
And that is when it sank in. I am a horrible person. I will see God Himself. He will judge me and tell me of all my sins.
No sin is greater than another.
I remember my son telling me that before I put him in the machine. He must have known I would feel this way.
"Oh Lord, forgive me!" I cry. I suddenly remember where I am, and who surrounds me. I am in a prison. The people around me are criminals. They have done much worse things than-
No sin is greater than another.
I am weeping. The other women are staring at me like I am crazy. Maybe I am. But still, I feel peace. I feel peace, and I know that He has forgiven me. He already forgave me by dieing a worse death than my son's.
I think of my robot/human/son I created who is in foster care. I will be here forever, buryed just outside these walls. I am suddenly sorry for the things I thought about him only a few minutes ago. He wanted to be like that, and maybe there is still a piece of my baby left inside what I have constucted. I will never know, but I am still happy for him, that he will have a good life with the new family the government will give him. I move away from the corner where I was sitting and back onto my bunk whispering:
I love you.
